The Man who made me cry

While my growing years have taught me not to shed tears, my early years never poised me to balance my emotions. Of course, life was too tender then and fundamentally too naive. I cannot attribute my sadness to various people who I have met in all my 27 years. I don't remember the bully of my school, neither I fancy artificial emotions nor I can list all those who have some way or the other became the cause of my cry. And it would be stupid though if I mention my rona dhona in real life. Simply put, Tears have no value in this fabricated world.

However, this article is a tribute to the man who showed me that "It hurts when you see a movie with your heart involved"

Kamal Hasan teamed up with Balu Mahendra in the Tamil film Moondram Pirai, which was later dubbed into Hindi as Sadma and Vasantha Kokila in Telugu. The picture tells the story of a young woman(Sridevi) who regresses to childhood after suffering a head injury in a car crash. Lost, she ends up trapped at a brothel before being rescued by Kamal Haasan, a lonely school teacher who falls in love with her.

After all the series of hardwork and attempts by Kamal to comfort Sridevi, I was amazed at the amount of loftiness Kamal brought in the entire film. Making her glee with his manoeuvre skills, jumping like a monkey after Sridevi expresses her fascination towards that Madaari

It's a performance that Kamal creates out of thin air, based on his own understanding of the character. Remember the toughest roles to play are the ones that are too simple, too normal It's not easy playing an average guy, but Kamal does it marvelously.

In the end, Sridevi does not recognize Kamal Hasan after she regains her memory and she understands him as a mad beggar. Kamal's memories, heart and soul are put into this very last scene when he reaches out to her. His eyes strikes us instantly with his tragedy, his attempt to get her attention by making unusual faces, the way he trots on the platform to grab a bowl and keep that on his head. And the moment when he bangs against a pole while running after the train, it hit me like a bullet. It hurt me more when when he sits helplessly on a platform and his student, shocked by Kamal's avatar, gets scared and leaves him alone.

Its an ending which the regular film junkies would never have predicted and would have been totally shattered by! Not even a Taare Zameen Par was able to shake me as much as Kamal Hasan did.

I was 11 years old when I saw this movie. I hated Sridevi for leaving Kamal. I never saw this scene again for some years ( Read : audacity lost)

The last 10 minutes of the film showed me the irony of life - You give so much and when giving you never even realize how much of you is also given in it.

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First Time, Second Show

After a long persuasion, my dad finally agreed to take us to a movie. That evening, I there were springs in my feet after I came back home from school. Since my childhood, I never fancied going to movies with my family members, but somehow on that day I just couldn't resist the idea of watching a late evening movie. My mother was against the idea and protested my ability of being awake late night. Despite these constraints we moved on.

The show was planned at an 'open air theater' which was about 1 km walk from our quarters in Ramgarh Cantonment in Ranchi-(Now in Jharkhand). I went to witness a most confusing theatrical layout. My 7 year old brain told me that it was a different world behind that huge wall, where they showcase the movie.

It was late evening when we reached the venue. The theater was full of Army men, Sardarjis and their families of all shapes and sizes. Every Sardarji was a Zail Singh to me! He was the only popular Sikh politician I knew those days.

We looked around and found a seat- after a great struggle. The murmuring crowd cheered and whistled when a light beam appeared on that Great Wall of Ramgarh. This shimmering light, otherwise referred as Ray of Hope was the cause for their ecstasy! I was seated in my mother's lap witnessing all this.

The movie began and my thoughts raced ( as usual) when I saw the fiery eyed Sridevi fox Rishi Kapoor when he tries to follow her in a ruined temple. I felt like going to Rishi and tell him " Hey! She is a snake!" I had no idea about my family enjoying the movie, but my mind coaxed me to ponder about a woman like Sridevi turn into a snake. I also knew that she'd never harm Rishi because he came across as a very nice guy!

Then there was the Tantrik- Amrish Puri. It looked as though his snake charmer tune will sink into my mind and stay there for the next couple of days. Because the place where we lived was infested with snakes, I also thought that his tune will actually lure the snakes out from the nearby bushes! Call it a childish thought or an ultimate example of how imagination can take over and become a reality in time.

Gradually, with the inclusion of potpourri scenes. a much hyped song called" Main teri Dushman, Dushman tu Mera accompanied by that 'not again' snake charmer tune, I lost interest in the movie and paved a way for my 'yawn'.

I was no more afraid of that Tantrik's intimidating look, neither worried about Rishi Kapoor's quest for the subdue reality, nor his Rona Dhona Mother who was shit scared of Sridevi's presence in the house. But I was impressed by Sridevi's eyes that kept me awake on most occasions.

Very soon, the drowsiness got the better of me. I knew the movie's climax will take a long time and I was not ready to sacrifice my sleep. I slept on my mother's lap and believed it as a safest place despite being in a colossal chaos.

Though this happened 20 years ago, I vividly recollect this incident with a pleasant feeling, each time I get ready to watch a Second show!

Because I think it deserves! Don't you think so?

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The Vibe Maker

Like countless of human beings all over the world, I have been influenced by Rajinikant. This article is a tribute to him and also to my friend Ashvin. Reasons you'd figure out as you read along.

It was the summer of 1996. I stepped out from my uncle's apartment in the plush Besant Nagar in 'Madras'. I got into a bus that'd take me back to my dad's defence quarters at Fort St George. On the way I peeped through the window, only to chance upon a behemoth poster. This poster comprehensively captured the filmy flavor and more importantly it conveyed what the actor means to South!

All the other passengers tried to get a better glimpse. The next moment resulted in a conversation where they (including the bus conductor) yakked away to glory. With my limited understanding of Tamil, I realized that they were raving about the film and the actor. That moment in the bus gave me an impulse. And that's when Brand Rajini was born!

I was aware of his presence as an actor (Thanks to those 3 Hindi films: Geraftar, Chaalbaaz and Hum) As a kid, I never wanted him to die in the film Geraftar. I saw him struggle while beating the goons, yet manage to puff the cigarette. I had prayed god to help him drop his cigarette and counter the goons. Because I then knew he was capable!

My innocence made me stay away from his films for sometime but return with a greater respect and adoration during the year Dalapati A.D

Albeit, I have very few Rajini films in my kitty, it was only after watching Dalapathi, I understood why Rajini behaves the way he is. Coincidently, Dalapathi was the work of Mani Ratnam, who I consider my greatest inspiration besides RGV and Kukunoor. The character Surya -true to his name, always made his appearance on the screen from East direction, during the course of the film. That's again the greatness of the director who ensured this subdue reality!

During my Rajini Quest I met a number of extremely intelligent people who spoke about Rajinikant and his great personality, not just as an actor. This became one more reason (however absurd it may sound to you) to push me among the people of Rajini League. And I like intelligent people with full of energy! The more I talked and discussed about the actor's stardom, my vibes went high, my thoughts sailed like Sindbad's voyage and needless to say, my perspective towards Rajini's films changed. I wanted to experience the thrill of watching his film in the theater, sitting the midst of the devotees of Rajnikant!

My prayers were answered when my friend Ashvin managed to get the tickets of Sivaji on the very first day- I consider this as an achievement and equivalent to Sunita William's trip to moon! I was excited about my debut. Watching the movie in the theater, of the superstar who I spoke so much, learned so much and raved so much! I was also gearing up to understand behavioral science of this Demi God's devotees, who succeeded in getting the tickets to witness an epic called Sivaji. However, I'd like to describe my experience in one line- It's a well deserving Glorified Filmy Kumbh Mela. I was goddam impressed! And I do not want to write about what happened on that day! You better get in that groove, or get out of the way!

I have never been impetuous about films. However, I care a damn if people talk about Rajini's impossible stunts or gimmicks. I give a shit if anyone regards him as a ham! I'd give two hoots to those who compare Rajini with any other actor. I'd never even worry about the story line, plot or the production values. I have realized what Rajnikant is for me.

He is my Vibe Maker!

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Divinity Countenance

Before you read this post- I confirm that the views expressed in this article are my own and I have not been influenced by anyone neither trying to influence any individual or society.

During my growing years, I was fascinated by the stories of Ramayana and Mahabharata. I consider it a privilege to be born at the time when India's television broadcasting progress had begun. That's how I learned about the Indian Mythology, the stories of various Hindu Gods. Of course as an avid reader, I also attribute this knowledge to those countless number of books like Amar Chitra Katha which I had read.

Being a Hindu, I got accustomed to certain practices. Some, derived through family rituals, while others, through my own beliefs. I have no idea about the origin of these beliefs, yet I had been following them for quite sometime. I do believe in the existence of the almighty. The breathe that keeps us alive and the force existing on this globe which prevents water to wash away the earth's crust is enough to substantiate the existence of God, according to me.

Now the question here is on my adherence to the established customs and doctrines. Belief, according to me is a respect given to the creator- God. Even though I have substantial devotion towards God, I fail to understand why some rituals have to be followed without any purpose. I can convey my prayers to the God directly by looking into his eyes and not really worried about the procedures and process. Of course, the designer of such process may have seen a reason. However, according to me, those reasons do not seem to be working or justified for today's world. People think today's God also requires Digital prayer by way of SMS, online and lots of hoo-ha!

I may be biased in saying this, but how could I possibly believe a priest who mutters mantras seem to convey my prayer to god? How many of us understand the language that he uses to communicate with god? I believe that the biggest spirituality comes in the form of trust and that trust need not be specific to mantras and rituals.

I have nothing against the belief system of others. As long as I am able to convey God what I want for me and others, its absolutely all right irrespective of the process you follow. Belief system only guides you to look for the righteous path but it does not guarantee you a well being. I think its a fear that constantly evades you from going off track.

Divinity, according to me, it detaching oneself away from the worldly pleasures and praying with a concrete meaning. I would still occasionally visit a temple, look into the eyes of god and pray which doesn't even last for 2 minutes.

However, as long as I remain a non conformist, I would continue my quest to get a deeper understanding about the 'Extreme Devotion'.

© All rights reserved with Abhishek Naini. No form of this may be reproduced without prior permission from the author.