My Cinematic Maturity

Oh My God! That song again! It was everywhere. The song was getting on to my nerves. But this was the same one raved by the masses. Why? It topped the charts -Superhit Muqabla on DD metro, Philips Top 10 on ZEE TV and any other countdown program. The word of mouth gained a momentum and it was full of excitement. Someone murmured ecstatically at my school- 13 songs! Wow! Another one said- I have purchased the audio cassette. Yet another girl muttered- I loved the movie!

It’s been a long time since I’ve hated a movie so much that it caused my physical pain. So much that I have decided to tell this story which transformed the way I've looked at cinema.

September 1994- I was just a month old in my first teens. I was an ethnocentric, grew up watching films of a different milieu. I was always addicted to different league of cinema. Never fascinated by the richness depicted in a film. I never cared about arty-farty concepts like Marriages and Family ties in a cinema. One fine day, my cousins dropped in and suggested that we watch this film.

I was certain about my expectations. The promos, trailers showed that this movie is strictly for connoisseurs of Bollywood family genre of the D grade variety. Nevertheless, we reached the celebrated theater of Hyderabad which was then considered on par with a multiplex. I looked around. Men posing as Salman Khan had arrived with their girls.Women in burka gearing up, college goers holding one book in hand. Nearby, the head of a family who had a difficult time controlling his Janta. I then got a controversial thought- How can someone watch a film along with the family?

The movie began. The director took creative liberty and introduced a 'Dog' in the titles. Right from the intro credits, I knew this movie is going to be worth my agony. Folks, I was only in 8th standard, when such thoughts occurred in my mind.

Sitting there in my seat I felt like I was being repeatedly stabbed in the eye, blinded by the saturated tones, the overwhelming family melodrama, a large house that can even put Buckingham Palace to shame, a bunch of familiar actors who hammed it effortlessly. I felt as if the film was standing on its own ground, and is managing hard not to get it right.

3 songs in less than 15 minutes irked me. Good lord! How many more? And believe me, I was actually counting the number of songs. Because I was planning to quiz people back at school. How idiotically convenient! However, I quickly understood what followed later in the film. I realized that it was a potpourri of set pieces that are the staple diet of this genre of movies. How can a family be so jovial, happiness everywhere, filthy rich, enthusiastically moronic characters, play antakshari so often? I desperately craved for one thing from all those scenes- Logic. Because all these years, I was used to English movies at Sangeet Theatre, a few good Telugu movies on television and a reasonable collection of Hindi movies on cable TV and VCR. But this film busted my Grey cells.

A little later, Salman Khan arrived in a ridiculuos two piece golden tuxedo. He danced away trying to woo the heroine dressed in a rich green outfit that caused fuzziness around my eye balls. Even today, I tinge a vomit sensation when I see Madhuri Dixit ( Don't ask me why)Some clunky dialogue made me cringe with embarrassment. It always happens, when the audience laugh over a shitty comedy scene, I actually feel embarrassed. And whenever I laughed, I was not laughing WITH the movie, I was laughing AT the movie for sheer ridiculousness of it.

As time ticked, I became impatient. How long will these celebrations continue? I wondered. It's supposed to be a movie and I longed to see some action and violence too. Minus that laughable "Tragedy Scene" where our Surabhi girl slips off the staircase, I failed miserably to understand the intent behind that film. But at the same time, I understood my own cinematic sense too. At the age of 13, I was already beginning to appreciate and distinguish quality movies and this constipated torture which I was going through.

And when that silly Pomeranian dog(who later had taken care of the climax too) declares a no-ball during the family cricket game, I had completely lost it.

Finally, after 3 hours, the movie ended. I stepped out in dismay having watched an extended wedding video! I wore a weary and anguished look. But the good news was- I went into the theater as a teenager and came out as a man!

I decided- I will only marry the girl who hates this movie as much as I do!

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