Sex, Lies and Videotape

That evening in Feb 1995, we boys were engrossed in the game of colony cricket, straight after our return from school. As a customary practice, some of us never bothered to change our respective school uniform. Untucked shirt, harsh vocals, body odor due to the smell of sweat, sweaty socks, trapped in shoes all day, some entry-level swear words, usage of some often resulting in harmless brawls, a pencil ultra thin mustache above the upper lip etc flamboyantly depicted the beginning of puberty.

Just when the bowler got ready to bowl, a boy who we knew, arrived from nowhere and rudely interrupted the game. He whispered something into the bowler's ear. The bowler laughed and ran towards the batsman and shared that secret. The embarrassed batsman turned towards me and whispered in my ear. Aghast, I ran towards the wicket keeper. Over the next 10 minutes the secret was revealed to the boys at various fielding positions like deep midwicket, gully, point, extra cover, long-on etc.

That day there was an uproar, excitement, glee, shock, debate and other versatile emotions.

"Is that so? How falsely we have been assuming about it till then".

"Hah, I already knew about it."

Some of the boys built their curiosity, others stuffed a confusion Vs confounded look on their faces. Perhaps, it was also the day when Biology became the most sought subject at school. Over the next few days, we spoke more and more about it. While some boys coyly gesticulated about the subject, a few of them chose to stay silent, possibly for the fear of being branded as 'Dirty'.

As a kid, I remember watching the film Satte Pe Satta sitting amongst a group of elderly people. It was the scene when Amitabh marries Hema Malini in a registrar office after exchanging the garlands. As he gets ready to leave, the officer calls Amitabh aside and shakes hands with him to congratulate again. Next, I see a little packet in Amitabh's hand followed by a squeaky sound. I became curious about that thing.

"What is that Uncle?" I turned around and asked him explicitly.

"It is....it is...errr ...a Chocolate"

My uncle, visibly embarrassed, shooed my perplexity. The rest of the members in that room felt abashed at my extravagant question.

It was the era of Doordarshan when the ads of contraceptives would see the elders, embarrassed and all conservative families trying to take off our attention from the television by asking someone to check the door as if someone had rung the door bell or check if the fan in the other room was not switched off!

"Let's all of us meet up tonight at my place" We a got hell a lot of academic portion to study. Our pre-finals are just a fortnight away"

"You mean, a night out? Combined studies?"- I asked.

"Of course, my people are going out and they'd return only tomorrow."

None of us ever made a serious attempt to study at night. Our history had enough testimonies to prove that every combined study either resulted in talking dirty, argue over Indo-US military power, develop strategy to strengthen our cricket team and gang for fights.

"So, I take it for granted, I will see all you boys at my place tonight". We also have been planning it since long time and now its time."

He said that and it resulted in mischievous smiles among their faces.

"Ah, yes! I spoke to that video parlor man yesterday. He will arrange for that".

I smelt a rat there. It took me a while to realize that tonight it's going to be some real education beyond books.

"Ahem, I don't want to come"- I said petrified of the idea.

"No, you must come and for ninnies like you, we will arrange another room and supply Chaudhary and Phantom comics. You could read all the night, while we have some serious fun".

"But what if we get caught"- I asked feeling uneasy.

"Not a chance! Hey, I hope you know how to connect a VCR". The cables & stuff, man I tell you, the television at my home, its insane!

"Hah! Leave that to me. I can handle any goddamn wires and sockets."

"Enough of your expensive Deboniar and Kamasutra books. We need to witness some real action now". Get those tapes or we will shoot you dead. I paid a fortune to rent that Japanese brand VCR."

"Oh yes, my people will leave home around 9PM. Get the VCR and cassettes to my place only after 9. Understand?

These conversations drooled all of us. We knew something exciting, never before activity was in store tonight. It was beyond those biology lessons, the Doordarshan Liril soap Ad under the waterfall and the sex books that we boys occasionally and secretly circulated amongst ourselves.

5 of us showed up on time at the destination, armed with the Japanese brand electronic item and a few academic books. Only the boy in-charge of cassettes didn't arrive yet.

"Don't make a sound. They will leave in an hours time. Get in quickly and hide the VCR under the bed."

He laid a carpet and we all sat down with our books for a ridiculous depiction of combined studies.

"(a+b)2 = a2+2ab+b2" correct, now would you please expand (a-b)"

We spoke in high pitch at regular intervals either on mathematical formula or geography to convey a bonafide activity!

After we settled down, the song of an Advertisement emanated from the television in the other room.

"Shhh....quiet, listen to that, listen to that".

We listened closely while looking at each other.

"Pyaar hua ekraar hua hai, pyaar se fir kyon darta hai dil".

A song from Rajkapoor's film was then used for a popular contraceptive. There was a wicked smile on all our faces because we now knew exactly what the product was. We chuckled amongst ourselves.

When the AD ended with a punchline being uttered "Sabse Jyada bikne waala condom", a boy in our gang burst-ed laughing loudly. We at once panicked for no reason and forced ourselves to shut our mouth the very next moment.

It was only after we heard a cough from the elderly person in the other room, we felt safe!

"Assole! How difficult is it for you to control that bloody laugh"?

"I will tell you a joke which I heard today at school".

"Pssst...is it non-veg"? - in a very secretive tone.

"oh yeah yeah, it is"?

"Okay okay, but be careful. Not aloud". Let me check the door first".

We formed a huddle.

"Here it goes, "What did Sharmila Tagore say to Tiger Pataudi on their first night"?

We looked at each other and waited for the answer.

"C'mon, say it"

"Well, she said "You are not the opening batsman".

As the room erupted with laughter, the boy who was worried about the noise levels, cautioned us again.

"Shh...shh..quiet...shhh"..shhh

A little later after the elders left home, the boy who was responsible to get the cassettes arrived. Our joy grew no bounds.

I picked up those 4 cassettes & saw the label that read: Enter the Dragon, The Fearless Hyena, Star wars & another Chinese martial arts film! Some of the boys looked at him as if to question, why the heck have you got these?

"Heheheh..that's the secret! THAT film will appear only after 15 minutes. All we must do is press the fast forward button of the VCR once we insert the cassette".

One of the boys connected the VCR to the television after initial struggle. The VCR finally showed signs of its functioning. We cheered and whistled the moment it started playing. The seating arrangement was done in a systematic manner. One of us sat near the entrance door to alert us, if any footstep is heard. One sat near the VCR to manage its controls, and two boys ready to lay the carpet and arrange books to make it a study scene if someone breaks in.

Simply put, these boys served as Emergency Management Team!

Amidst the curious moments watching the video, there were some funny moments too. One of the performer resembled a man of our colony and we rolled on floor laughing. It was even more hilarious, when the video played in fast forward and re winded the action mode.

"I can hear footsteps outside....quick!"

Before I could realize what's happening, the 'Emergency Management Team' got into action. Within minutes, they switched off the Television, hid the VCR, laid out carpet and books, and created a study scene.

"Who's there?"

"It's me. Open up."

The door opened and we saw that one of our boys who showed up late. He too had religiously carried all his text books, model papers and notes. ( Read: lied)

"What took you so long to open the door"?

"Aw Shit! This poop gave us a false alarm."

"What a waste of time! Come in quickly you ass".

We rearranged the scene and were busy once again.

The cassettes had a poor print quality and added to our woes, the television just wouldn't cooperate. Arguably, the boy in-charge of VCR controls was doing the toughest job. He had to ensure fast forward option for unnecessary scenes, regularly manage the 'Tracking' and 'Vertical hold' options to ensure a clear picture quality and stop the video from tilting. In that process, he also copped a lot of friendly flak from the restless group of boys.

I quietly sat in a corner and listened to the entire murmur in that room.

"This is great".

"Why the heck have you skipped that scene?" Rewind it"

"No, I saw it already, move on". Press the fast forward button"

"Yuck"

"This is ridiculous, same scene again. Who the hell got these duplicate cassettes"

"I did, so what? What else can you get at Rs 50 rental?"

" You assole, what did you do with the 'Tracking' option?

"So that's how it is"

"Now I understand why my Biology teacher took separate classes for boys"

"Screwed up picture quality, the previous setting was much better"

"This chick is nice but look at the bald guy. He looks like my school chowkidaar"

"Stop there, play that again"

"See, like I told you the other day during the game of cricket"

These voices in the room finally made it happen!

At the end of 3 hour chaotic session, we boys became MEN.

(Dedicated to my childhood friends. I can't reveal the names of boys for exciting reasons. However, this story is my attempt to illustrate the various activities and emotions which most of the boys go though during their 'coming of age' )

© All rights reserved with Abhishek Naini. No form of this may be reproduced without prior permission from the author.